Half a Dozen Mom

STRUCTURE: WHY KIDS NEED ROUTINES

GOOD MORNING MOMS...

Another Cold and spitting snow morning. Along with having to take the dogs out when your taking the kids to their bus stops. Sometimes i believe my arms are going to be pulled off due to the extreme tugging of my dogs patches and bear pulling me so hard. I feel so tired this morning but that could also be because i went to bed at 2 am also. Sometimes its hard for us mothers to get our down time at a decent hour so i have come up with a plan lol.

We have to give our kids some structure. They have none.

So i have been setting scheduled times of my kids eating, brushing teeth and shower times, and their down time. It works moms...because i can have a decent hour of down time for myself. Unless insomnia kicks in and i can't sleep. 

Why do kids need routines and structure?

Because a sense of structure gives our kids a sense of security and to develop self discipline. Mostly because our kids are confronted with change in their life daily. Like home environments, school, after school programs or etc.  Structure is a predictable routine that can allow our kids to feel safe.  And to develop a mastery in handling their own lives one day. Giving them the ability to handle or tackle larger changes in life. Like for example : walking to school alone,   paying for a purchase at the store by theirself,  or going to stay all night at a friends or a camp.    

Kids who come from chaotic homes where belongings aren't put away never learn that life can run more smoothly if things are organized a little.  In a home where there is no set time or space to do homework,  kids never learn how to sit theirselves down to accomplish  an unpleasant task.

Kids who don't develop basic self care routines, like taking a bath or brushing teeth or combing hair  and food may find it hard to take care of themselves as young adults.  Structure allows us to internalize contructive habits.

Won’t too much structure dull our sense of spontaneity and creativity?

Sure, only if its imposed without sensitivity.  There are times when rules are made to be broken moms... like staying up late to see an eclipse or watching a movie maybe. Or leaving the dinner dishes in the sink to play a game or just have that family time.  But even the most creative artist (our kids) start by mastering the conventions of  the past, and find the pinnacle of their expression in working within the confines of specific rules.

Theirs no reason STRUCTURE  has to be oppressive.  Think of Structure as your friend, offering the little routines and traditions that make life more easier, cozier and safer. 

Not only will our kids soak up the security, they will internalize the ability to structure their own lives.  

Does this mean infants should be put on routines as early as possible?

NO!  Infants tell us what they need lol... We feed them when their hungry, change them when their wet. Over time they will learn the first steps of a routine.  We sleep at night, But forcing an infant to accomadate to our routines is not responsive parenting.  As our infants move into babyhood as we call it, they will establish their own routines. Setting into a schedule of sorts.  Most babies settle into a fairly predicatable patterns. We moms can help them with this even dads too by structuring our day around their needs.  For instance, we make sure conditions are appropriate for their nap at the time they usually sleep.  

Gradually, over time, we as parents can respond to their natural schedule of eating, sleeping, by developing a routine that works for them and for the whole family.

Six Benefits of Using Routines with Your Kids

 1. Routines eliminate power struggles :Because we aren't bossing our kids around.  This activity, (brushing teeth, napping , turning off the tv to come eat dinner. ) is just what we do at this time of day.

The parents stop being the bad guy, and nagging in your home is greatly reduced.

2. Routines help kids cooperate: By reducing stress and anxiety for everyone.  We all know what comes next, we get fair warning for transitions, and no one is being pushed around. or like parents are being arbritrary.

3.  Routines help kids learn to take charge of their own activities: Over time, kids learn how to brush their teeth, back their backbacks and more, without constant reminders. Kids love being in charge of themselves.  This feeling increases their sense of mastery, and competence.  Kids who feel more independent and in charge of themselves have less need to rebel and be opp0sitional.

4. Kids learn the concept of "looking forward" To things they enjoy. which is an important part of making a happy accomidation with the demands of a schedule.  They may want to go to the playground or something now, but they can learn that they always go to the playground in the afternoon or what ever set time you may have set for your day. And they can look forward to that playground time then. ;)

5. Regular routines help kids get on a schedule, So they fall asleep more easily at night moms . 

6. Routines help parents build in those precious connection moments.: We all know we need to connect to our children, everyday. But when our focus is on moving kids through the schedule to get them to bed, we miss out on the opportunities to connect.  If we build little connection times into our routines, they become habit.  Try a snuggle with each child or together with all your kids in the morning, Time like these slow you down and connect you with visceral level with your kids.  and if you do them as just "part of the routine" they build security as well as connection and cooperation. 

7. Schedules help parents maintain consistency in expectations: If everything is a fight, parents end up settling: more tv, skip brushing teeth for tonight, etc. But with a routine, parents are more likely to stick to healthy expectations for everyone in the family. Because thats just the way we do things in our household.  The result:  a family with healthy habits, where everything runs more smoothly. It helps our kids learn responsibility and to be more cooperative.  Bedtimes moms are a great getter for big rewards.  That means our kids will be more accepting and the time you take to spend with each one of them.  Make sure you get time to connect with each one of your kids.  This remains important as kids get older.  because it gives them the time to raise difficult issues and feel heard.  Plus that routine gives your kids more sleep and a healthier lifestyle on sleeping habits.  

8.Packing a backpack and setting out clothes makes kids more competent and independent, by teaching our kids to think about the next day.  This is invaluable, mostly because it makes our mornings more calmer.  It allows them to remember things they may have forgotten. That tomorrow they need a change of clean clothes or that they forgot about a homework assignment,  (Of course, if they remember these things at bedtime frequently, it's a sign that your after-school routine needs some attention!)

9.  You get to check in with each child separately, which really helps if you have been apart all day.  You have more of a chance to hear what may be bothering your kids. And you get that special time with your older kids by doing this too with them. which keeps you connected at the difficult moment when their heading into their tween years. :0 

when peer  issues can crowd out their relationship with you, even though they need to stay anchored with us.

10:Bedtime routines that center around baths and reading calm kids and allow them to fall asleep faster so they don't toss and turn. Many of our kids say they aren't tired because they are actaully wound up. A bedtime routine that allows a child to stay up later is sometimes good because they are reading which creates a good habit in reading (especially if they don't like reading) But, if theirs a computer nearby your kids aren't going to want to read.

But t.v. and computers suppress melatonin , the sleep hormone, so our kids should not use them in the hour before bedtime.  But moms...guess what, reading relaxes kids, and allows melatonin to flood their bodies , (make sure their bedroom lights are not too bright), reading at bedtime can also be good to increase their I.Q. at school and school grades. 

BUT MOST OF ALL MOMS...DON'T FORGET THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO WITH YOUR KIDS DAILY AND AT BEDTIME..PRAY WITH THEM. TEACH THEM TO PRAY TO GOD AND TO FOR OTHERS. JESUS IS THEIR STRENGTH AS WELL AS YOUR STRENGTH AND HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL GET YOU THROUGH YOUR MOST DIFFICULT  TIMES WITH YOUR KIDS. THE MOST FANCIEST DEGREE CAN'T EVEN FIX THAT ISSUE.